Best way of Reading books to impress a Girl
Before we proceed, I need to point out a contradiction. You say that you want to sound smart in a hot and a douchey intellectual way. I'm afraid these two things are mutually exclusive. Douchey intellectuals aren't hot or necessarily smart. In fact, it may be a turn-off to have someone throw around book titles to sound like their pants are just full of smarties. Just sayin'.
If you're determined to stay on the douchey side of the spectrum, it takes more than just reading fancy books. It's about the attitude. A few tips:
Tone - Try to keep your tone as condescending as possible. For example, you should disparage all obvious metaphors such as, "The metaphor of water in The Great Gatsby is just too utterly obvious. It's about the boat."
Language - If the book was written in a non-English language, use its original title and pronounce it correctly. For example, use Les Liaisons dangereuses instead of Dangerous Liaisons. Extra douche points if you read these books and quote passages in their original language.
Age - Put down newer books in favor of older, incredibly difficult to read books. This isn't a hard and fast rule though, thanks to David Foster Wallace. But always, always turn up your nose at popular fiction. The Hunger Games? Shockingly bad!
Discussion points - Stories, plots, character development? How pedestrian. Talk about the beauty of Henry James' and Borges' writing. You don't even need to read them, just say that their prose reminds us of our fragile humanity (whatever that means).
If you want to be a hot literary nerd, all you need to do is to tell the girl what you actually thought of the book.
With this list, you'll be able to go either way: hot nerd or douchey intellectual. It's all about the tone.
Ulysses (James Joyce): They teach entire college courses devoted to this book. You can't beat an eye-patched author for panache!
Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace): Fractals! How could a girl not swoon about a book that combines philosophy, mathematics and humor?
Anything by Jorge Luis Borges: I'm not even sure Borges understood his books either. So, you can say whatever you want about them, it'll sound plausible.
Anything by Jane Austen: Not only will she think you're smart, but she'll think you're a hot sensitive hunk who understands women. Just don't compare the girl with Fanny Price.
Major philosophical works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir and Rene Descartes: I'd start with No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, at least that one is fun to read (and short).
Major tragedies by William Shakespeare: No Tempest for you, they teach that in middle school, for goodness' sake! It's about the epic tragedies: King Lear, Macbeth, Hamlet, et cetera. These tragedies will allow you to be emotive, intellectual and hot all at once. (Romeo and Juliet is cheating though.)
Of course, I'm just scratching the surface here, but being a douchey intellectual is work. Postscript: beware of going too obscure. A girl won't be impressed by something that she has never heard of.
If you're determined to stay on the douchey side of the spectrum, it takes more than just reading fancy books. It's about the attitude. A few tips:
Tone - Try to keep your tone as condescending as possible. For example, you should disparage all obvious metaphors such as, "The metaphor of water in The Great Gatsby is just too utterly obvious. It's about the boat."
Language - If the book was written in a non-English language, use its original title and pronounce it correctly. For example, use Les Liaisons dangereuses instead of Dangerous Liaisons. Extra douche points if you read these books and quote passages in their original language.
Age - Put down newer books in favor of older, incredibly difficult to read books. This isn't a hard and fast rule though, thanks to David Foster Wallace. But always, always turn up your nose at popular fiction. The Hunger Games? Shockingly bad!
Discussion points - Stories, plots, character development? How pedestrian. Talk about the beauty of Henry James' and Borges' writing. You don't even need to read them, just say that their prose reminds us of our fragile humanity (whatever that means).
If you want to be a hot literary nerd, all you need to do is to tell the girl what you actually thought of the book.
With this list, you'll be able to go either way: hot nerd or douchey intellectual. It's all about the tone.
Ulysses (James Joyce): They teach entire college courses devoted to this book. You can't beat an eye-patched author for panache!
Infinite Jest (David Foster Wallace): Fractals! How could a girl not swoon about a book that combines philosophy, mathematics and humor?
Anything by Jorge Luis Borges: I'm not even sure Borges understood his books either. So, you can say whatever you want about them, it'll sound plausible.
Anything by Jane Austen: Not only will she think you're smart, but she'll think you're a hot sensitive hunk who understands women. Just don't compare the girl with Fanny Price.
Major philosophical works of Jean-Jacques Rousseau, John Locke, Thomas Hobbes, Jean-Paul Sartre, Simone de Beauvoir and Rene Descartes: I'd start with No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, at least that one is fun to read (and short).
Major tragedies by William Shakespeare: No Tempest for you, they teach that in middle school, for goodness' sake! It's about the epic tragedies: King Lear, Macbeth, Hamlet, et cetera. These tragedies will allow you to be emotive, intellectual and hot all at once. (Romeo and Juliet is cheating though.)
Of course, I'm just scratching the surface here, but being a douchey intellectual is work. Postscript: beware of going too obscure. A girl won't be impressed by something that she has never heard of.
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